sábado, 7 de março de 2015

3.am Thoughts

"I hope he dies.
As i did.

So he knows the weight, of carrying a heart and destroying it.
So he knows what its like to be stolen.

So he knows what this kind of death feels like.

How it rips you apart over and over again, while u try with every breath with every little strength you have left to hold all the pieces together.
The messy lines without a base that slip through your fingers while u desperately feel like falling apart.
There are ways to do things.
There are ways to avoid them, and to not do them at all.
The are ways to not hurt someone so deeply they lose half of what they are.

A simple apology wouldn't fix it all, but it would heal the dorment/resting pain, locked away so deep that it haunts me at the worst times.
That little pain, that doesn't let me be happy.

I was methodical before, i avoided things i knew were bad for me, things that could hurt me before they even happened.
Then i got distracted by empty words, that sounded so pretty.
Words i knew i hated.

So now i'm just heartless..."

Stuck in a loop, mourning my own loss.
The self that i will never get back.
I'm not crying my broken heart, or the loss of you.

I'm crying my own death,
This cage you put me in.
I want her back...
I want to be returned to myself.

I can't trust anymore.
I won't allow anyone close.
I won't care

My hate for people has grown uncontrollably vast.

And most of all, i will become like i was before...
In that term of self-preservation
But this time, there won't be any mistakes.